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| It's funny when you're in search for a certain... something the fate between you and that something never seems to intersect. And when you decide that it's a waste of time and starts to move on with life, that particular something just appears before your eyes.
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| Sometimes you think you're completely cure yet when you saw his face you realized that all along you were just dismissing your feelings.
And other times, you're doing fine.
Then you go crazy.
What's wrong with you?
Not really, it has nothing to do with him. I think. Maybe a little bit.
Haven't written in a long time. When my computer died on Sunday morning it took me the entire day to mourn. I realized it last night that I CAN live without my computer (it's basically my life, my computer). Sometimes I feel so pathetic, revolving my life in front of a screen. But it's an addiction.
Gah, stupid addiction.
The sun's heating up Texas pretty fast. Wait till we all die of heat strokes.
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| My dad came home drunk. Imagine him driving my baby sister home half asleep. I'm disappointed and angry yet, when I look at his face. When I see how dark he is and realize how much older he's grown, I can't help but cry silent to myself. He works so hard, everyday in the sun and the heat. Yet he's still easily influence by his co-workers to drink working working hours. I get angry whenever I think of that but when he asked me if I love him and I said yes, the smile on his face made me cried. I cried and thought of all the times we've been through and all the hardship he had to endure to be where he is today.
I never regretted in choosing to live with him. I used to hesitate when people ask me who I love more but now if they were to ask me again, I would say I love my dad the most. Although I get angry and complain about him and get annoyed most of the time, when I take time to realize how much he suffered I cry a lot. It's funny because as I'm writing this I'm crying and smiling. Crying thinking of old times and smiling because I feel so blessed that he's my father. Sure he gets drunk, he started smoking again, he's not that understanding sometimes, and he's really childish but everything he does is out of love.
I can't even imagine how life would be like when my dad pass away. I hate thinking of that fact. He's growing older day by day now and it's the truth. Images of his drunken smile make me cry so much, just thinking of the pain he's still going through. He told me before that he still loves my mom.
How can a man be so faithful?
Ugh, too much tears to keep on writing.
Volunteering tomorrow. I kind of don't want to go. I want to spoil myself and just lay my lazy butt around the house, eating, sleeping, writing, watching videos, just doing whatever in the air conditioned room.
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| If you were to tell boys that pads have expiration dates, they would believe you. That shows how simple minded they are.
Us girls think too much, don't we? But maybe it's because we have to do the thinking for the guys since they don't ever think, especially about consequences. And I'm saying guys in general, not all guys are that way. It just so happen that this guy I'm particularly talking about today is one of those who doesn't think beforehand. Sometimes it's good to do that but other times, I just want to punch him in the face. I'm being mean again, ahh.
That's just how society works. Women think for men who don't think. Men who think, think more than women who think a lot, resulting a decrease of men who are willing to actually think. They rather let women do the thinking and they do the working.
Man, I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. Sheesh. Talk about brain dead due to summer break.
The Alchemist is the best summer read so far. I love it. I'm not actually bored while reading it. -_-
And it's embarrassing but I read it in the bathroom.
Now I shall run away before people throw rocks at me.
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| It's amazing seeing a newborn being delivered. I feel blessed for witnessing that at my age, seeing my baby sister entering this world and growing up so fast. Nine months ago she was born and nine months before that she was still a fetus, kicking my mom's tummy every time my dad mentioned the word "mall". I'm not choosing to become a pediatrician just because I like babies. The feeling of nurturing them to grow up as healthy kids because, after all, they are our next generation, gives me this... satisfied feeling. It makes me want to scream, squeal, laugh, cry, shout, whatever that it will be, really loud. The fact that I like kids is also a plus for me in becoming a pediatrician but I really hate crying kids and older kids. "Pediatricians" treat "kids" from birth till the age of twenty one. The age range for me cuts off at eight or nine. From that point on, I can't handle them.
(On side note, my baby sister is on my bed right now drinking her milk. She just finished and turned over on her tummy and burped really loud. That scared the living crap out of me.)
I understand that I'll have to deal with annoying teenagers in the rage of killing someone, stubborn little boys kicking tables and desks, babies refusing to keep quiet due to hunger, and other situations like that but hey, all occupations have their difficulties. The main point is really learning and coping with it. If I enjoy doing it I'll learn how to deal with those problems as I train to become a pediatrician.
And on the side note, I might change my mind. People do that all the time.
Ah, my sister is finished with her milk so I better go take care of her before she starts screaming and crying. She's--yup, crying right now.
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